“Open the pod bay doors HAL!” The Church’s Escape Clause
Posted here by the user known only as “w”.
“W” first appeared on the old Ironwolf forum, and has long been thought to be a church insider of some sort, based on the information he has provided to the Internet forums about activities inside the church. My responses are in brackets in bold.
“This is the back up plan for Cog-pkg if Ron is not who he says to the church by the middle of July 2008. All these ideas were released within the last couple days. So, this plan is not set in stone. This is the plan released to a select few members for input if the 45-90 day prophecy fails to come to true.”
“w” just clarified the origins of this plan here:
“The e-mail was not sent out to more than ten people, so not even all the elders know. (I wasn’t supposed to receive the e-mail, so my identity is still hidden) A few lay people did receive the e-mail too. Weinland & the others are still waiting on the 45 to 90 days to finish before moving forward. If a major natural disaster or actual terror event occurs before the middle of July 2008, then all bets are off. Keep in mind these individuals actually do believe in the two books(including Weinland).”
- Series of sermons stating why & what happened, including repentance by Weinland in late July 2008. [Pre-meditated repentance? Or a repentance coerced by threat of coup d’etat?]
- Appointment of Harrell as head of the church(of course God/Christ above him in their organization) and Matthews in Australia. [We figured that anyway.]
- Others that are considered preaching elders will become evangelists. [Better kiss those asses rosy boys! Promotions are in the offing!]
- New elders would either start to preaching in their areas in the months afterwards or in 2009. [Better get in early, if you want to be in the Levitical chain of command at all, n00bs.]
- Harrell, Matthews. Wroyzek(sp?) [Read: The Three Stooges] would take over the weekly sabbath and annual holy day sermons, beginning in August 2008. [Can’t’cha just picture these good ol’ boys rubbing their hands together in glee at the thought of finally being able to brow-beat the brethren themselves? There is an upside to this for us demons as well: No more sermons that are all Weinland, all the time. Although Matthews preaches as though time stood still circa 1985, in my opinion. And Harrell really needs to drop the “Christ our older brother” schtick, if he wants to retain any credibility whatsoever.]
- Weinland cease preaching and would no longer be the pastor in any capacity after August 1, 2008(depending on any legal matters) Harrell would take over at that time. [“Depending on any legal matters”? What the hell does that mean?! If he’s sued for the tithe monies, he won’t forfeit his position? Or will he forfeit his position so he can’t be sued for the tithe monies?]
- The new theme would be most of the same, except that we are still in Ladiocea, but the final 3 1/2 years is coming soon, but not September 2011. [So are they going to imitate Clever Gerry Flurry, who is predicting another Great Trib. to hit us in 2009, or are they going to go the route of Spanky Meredith, and fudge on the “five to ten to fifteen years” front?]
Still no word on who exactly concocted this not-so-brilliant “plan of attack”, no word on who exactly “the select few members” actually are, and I really do have to wonder if this does not suggest some form of insurgency in the ranks? This new information offers several possible conclusions:
Plan A: The Three Stooges got tired of being in silent film, and wanted to move into the world of the talkies. This suggests that ministry in the higher echelons of the church have known all along that Weinland and Wife were both certifiable. Harrell, Matthews, and Wrozeck have just been waiting for the opportunity to strike. Think there’s any gold left in those disillusioned sheeple, boys?
Plan B: This has all been concocted in Weinland’s mind from the beginning, and it is his well-planned-out safety valve. (This plan requires that Weinland’s 19th April sermon, which was clearly screwloose, was either intentionally so or Ronnie was feeling the Jerusalem Syndrome hit a little too hard while he was preaching.)
Plan C: This heretofore-thought-unsinkable ship has finally hit the damn iceberg already, and it’s every ministurd for himself.
I wonder if the Three Stooges plan on ruling jointly? What the hell would that monarchy look like? Also, re: “the new theme would be most of the same”, does that mean they will retain Weinland’s oddball unitarianism, or are they going to go back to their binitarian roots?
Taking wagers now! Place your bets now ladies and gentlemen! The odds are long and it looks like this outfit is getting ready to cash in its chips!