Photo Courtesy Bill at Ekklesia. Picture snapped from Ambassador Watch article “What Can You Say?” What indeed? Raise your voices in song with your Witless, brethren! (And pay careful attention to the highlighted verses.)
In Thy loving kindness, Lord, be merciful to me;
In compassion great, blot out all iniquity.
Wash me thoroughly from sin; from all guilt cleanse Thou me;
For transgressions I confess; sins I ever see.
‘Gainst Thee only have I sinned, done evil in Thy sight,
That Thou speaking, may be just and in judging right.
My iniquities blot out, my sin hide from Thy view;
And in me a clean heart make, spirit right renew.
From Thy gracious presence, Lord, O cast me not away;
And Thy Holy Spirit take not from me, I pray.
Joy which Thy salvation brings again to me restore;
With Thy spirit free do Thou keep me evermore.
Sacrifice dost Thou not want, else would I give it Thee;
And with offering shalt Thou not delighted be.
For a broken spirit is to God a sacrifice;
And a broken, contrite heart, Thou wilt not despise.
OK so you just can’t take sitting through another two-hour-plus sermon, but you’re compelled to because you’ve just got to keep on top of what this potentially dangerous (and financially and emotionally abusive) closed high-demand religious group is doing? Just can’t handle listening to Ron drone on and on and on and on with no relief in sight?
Brethren, I present to you the Ronald Weinland Drinking Game!
(Alcohol was the only vice that was allowed in the church; why do you think the colloquialism for the “Feast of Booths” (idiom for Feast of Tabernacles) was “the Feast of Booze”?? Now you can use whatever you like for this drinking game; just be forewarned that if you are consuming an alcoholic beverage, you run the risk of severe dehydration and/or alcohol poisoning, should you choose to play this drinking game through an entire sermon.)
Rules of the Game:
- If word or action occurs once: 1 drink.
- If word or action occurs twice in five minutes: 2 drinks.
- Three times in five minutes: 3 drinks.
- Four times in five minutes: CHUG.
- Where indicated: CHUG.
Any of the following words or phrases:
- “Truly.” (If “Truly truly truly” CHUG.)
- “Awesome to understand.”
- “Going on here.”
- “The scattered church.”
- “Distorted, perverted, twisted.”
- “Sick, sick, sick, sick sick sick (things that are going on out here)!”
- “Some (are) mock(ing) us.”
- “Yahweh Elohim”: 2 drinks.
- “I marvel brethren, I truly do.” 2 drinks.
- “Whooooo doggie!” CHUG.
- Any two of the above consecutively: 1 extra drink.
- Any three of the above consecutively: 2 extra drinks.
- Any four of the above consecutively: CHUG.
- Any time your PC speakers seem ready to blow up: 2 drinks.
Any of the following actions (you WILL hear these VERY clearly throughout most of the sermons):
- Lip smack.
- Clears throat.
- Coughs once: 1 drink.
- Coughs twice: 2 drinks.
- Coughing fit: SATAN PREVAILS! CHUG!
- Loses his place in his notes.
- Quotes any bible verse at all: 2 drinks.
- Quotes the bible verse then goes off on a tangent before he even gets to the verse: 3 drinks.
- Quotes the bible verse incorrectly: CHUG!
- Pounds the pulpit: BONUS CHUG!